Are Children Really Less Resilient Today?
People working with children often claim to notice that young people struggle to cope with everyday challenges. The world for children is not the same as it has been for the generations prior; that’s a fact that isn’t up for debate. Children face social media, academic pressure to over-achieve and packed schedules of extracurricular activities. On top of that, they are expected to keep up with friends both online and in person. It’s exhausting to think about, never mind grow up through. Many adults are now asking how to build resilience in children, in a world that feels more demanding than ever.
My childhood in the 90s was doing one piece of homework a week and playing out with my friends within shouting distance of my home. My mum’s childhood in the 70s was playing with her friends at the front of her house, running in and out for ice lollies and drinking water out of the hosepipe in the garden. Yet somehow, adults seem to be judging the young people for skills that we never had to be taught, and it feels mightily unfair.
Are We Supporting Too Much, Or Not Enough?
Special Educational Needs are more recognised than ever; no longer ignored or labelled as ‘problem children’ as was common in the 90s and earlier. Parents, staff at schools and other professionals are told to support young people wherever possible and they do it well. We give children resources, tools, scripts and time away from tasks find challenging. This support doesn’t stop with children who have identified needs; it’s extended to all. There is also a recognition that support should be gradually withdraw to build independence.
But this raises an important question: are we taking away opportunities for children to struggle and develop the resilience we expect? Or is the world so different now that these skills need to be explicitly taught? Perhaps the expectation that children should simply carry on regardless is outdated and in need of a rethink.
What Is Learned Helplessness in Children?
There is an experiment that I often refer to when I speak to staff in school about resilience. Two groups of people were given anagrams to solve. One group were given easy anagrams that they could complete quickly, while the other group were given anagrams that were impossible to solve. As they worked, those who couldn’t complete theirs began to notice others succeeding.
Both groups were given the same third anagram, which was the same for everyone and entirely solvable. The group who had experienced success continued to complete them. However, many of those who had face the impossible, did not even attempt to solve it. They had already accepted defeat. They assumed it wasn’t something that could do and reduced their effort accordingly.
This is what is known as learned helplessness and it mirrors what can happen in education. When children repeatedly experience difficulty or failure, they can begin to believe they are not as capable as others. Over time, they may stop trying altogether. Could explicitly teaching resilience skills have changed that outcome?
Can Resilience Be Taught?
We can cultivate resilience as a skill. Just like reading, maths or sports, we can teach resilience. We can do this by promoting a growth mindset, setting goals, modelling how to plan for success, encouraging friendships and connections, demonstrating self-compassion and allowing exposure to challenges without stepping in at the first hurdle. This is not about removing support; it’s about changing how support is given. This shows exactly why we need to understand how to build resilience in children, rather than assuming it will develop on its own.
Why Adults Must Model Resilience First
To do this effectively for children, we must also be able to do it ourselves. It’s important to reflect honestly on whether we model the resilience skills we hope to see. Reflective journalling can be a powerful tool for this, and it can even be done alongside children as a shared activity.
To be resilient, we must also allow ourselves to be vulnerable. This is something we need to accept within ourselves before we can ask it of young people. When we do, it opens the door to collaboration, strengthens relationships and creates a safe space to build essential life skills.
A Practical Way to Build Resilience In Children
One way to support this is through structured, low pressure activities. Playing resilience based games allows children to practice these skills before they truly need them. This is exactly why we created ‘Level Up Life’, a resilience game designed to present relatable, low stakes scenarios, adaptable for children year 1 to year 11. It gives children the space to explore challenges, make mistakes, build resilience and reflect on what works for them individually.
It provides the opportunity to practice key coping skills, such as:
Re-framing thoughts,
Problem-solving,
Affirmations,
Regulation Activities.
‘Level Up Life‘ is designed as a practical way to show how to build resilience in children through real-life scenarios.
So What Do Children Really Need?
Perhaps the question isn’t whether young people lack resilience, but whether we are expecting it to appear without ever truly teaching it. If we want them to cope with challenges, manage failure and keep going when things feel difficult, then we must give them the tools to do so.
Resilience isn’t built through pressure or expectation alone; it grows with experience, guidance and practice. So instead of asking why children aren’t resilient, we should focus on showing them how. Give them something valuable that will last their lifetime and the confidence to use it. Have the conversations. Reflect in the journals. Play the games.
